Barabbas Goes to NATO

According to the Christian story there were two prisoners; Jesus and Barabbas.  They stood before a large crowd as their captor shouted "Who do you all want me to release? ..Jesus or Barabbas?"  The crowd responded in one voice over and over again, "Give us Barabbas!"  And so he did.. and Jesus remained to be crucified.  

Growing up, I had always heard Barabbas referred to as a criminal, a thief, a murderer etc.. and I thoughtlessly accepted that. Though I still wondered at the sanity of any crowd begging for such a creature to be released to them in the place of the gentle Jesus. However, recently I heard a different translation.. rather than 'Barabbas the Criminal,' I heard 'Barabbas the Revolutionary.' In the face of a crumbling Roman empire and vicious oppression of Jews (and soon Christians,) Barabbas fought. 

This past week NATO took over the city.  Heat, motorcades, protestors and police filled Chicago to the point of bursting and as resources were funneled to the city center, Uptown felt unprotected. Our leaders gathered here to plan and compromise and to tackle the impossible task of finding their way to peace.  Meanwhile, smaller wars were being fought just steps from where the likes of Merkel, Obama and Rasmussen hung their suits. While police fought to control protestors and Occupiers, multiple Uptown calls to 911 went without response. Menacing people gathered in the streets, shouting into the wee hours of the morning, smoking weed, throwing garbage, peeing on the sidewalk ..all with impunity and knowledge of the cities overstretched resources.  My husband and I spent the weekend hiding in our apartment, peering out the window while counting the hours between a police car driving past.  Eventually, my husband gave up and starting searching the internet for apartments in a safer neighborhood.  So it was with great relief that Monday brought about a close to NATO meetings, an end to motorcades, a dispersing of protesters and a return of a police presence to Uptown.

As a raging liberal, I am still not sure how I feel about the occupy movement. I agree that there is so much wrong with the world but in the practice of my small life, I am finding that its the tiny battles fought and won that can change perspective.  Martin Luther King Jr didn't spit at his enemies, he challenged them to dream. Gandhi challenged them to love, and Jesus challenged them to forgive.  They changed everything. However, with all the divisiveness, hate and anger in the world today, it's easy to see how the crowd would shout for Barabbas while Jesus stands aside with sadness in his eyes.  

And so I come back again to my own doorstep.  There is a woman in the neighborhood.  She is a short black woman with a tired hard look in her eye. She is always pushing a child in a stroller and generally has another little girl trailing after. She stares straight ahead ignoring the world around her and since last August, I have been saying hi to her.  For nearly nine months she has walked past as though I were invisible. However, a couple weeks ago she responded with her own quiet hi. Yesterday, before I opened my mouth, she lifted her hand from the stroller and waved.

Barabbas lay down your arms

For you carry Abraham in your veins,

For you are held in Allah's heart,

You're the twinkle in dear Brahma's eye,

And one already died

So you might Live. 

American Girl

Last week I gave up...


Not for very long...really just for a couple hours.  But yes, instead of walking over to the shelter for my usual Wednesday lunch shift of canned corn and conversation, I stayed in bed, pulling the covers up over my head while I quietly hid. 


Perhaps exhaustion had led me to that point as I had spent the previous week immersed in hours of Easter liturgical music and rather than relaxing that Monday, I cantored a funeral, taught lessons and went to a choir rehearsal and Tuesday was more of the same. I was tired.  However, my angst went beyond that. I felt as though the weight of the world was in my backyard, piling up into one big stinky pile of.. well..  poo.  I was still walking past garbage all over the street, I was still aware of the people sleeping under the bridge, I was still watching drug deals out my bedroom window,  I was seeing the same gang kids gather on my corner, I was witnessing cops cussing people out rather than setting an example of integrity, I was still reading hateful jaded comments on different Uptown blogs. And I was overwhelmed by the world of woes, hunger, war, anger, bigotry, fear, stupidity...so much hurting and such hard callouses..


I was contemplating things in my own life as well, fading friendships, and lost connections, blurring memories becoming less dependable and changing with the passing time. I was worrying over my own future, confused as to why I felt dissatisfied with the pace of my accomplishments and clueless as to how to change.  Despite the fact that my issues were self imposed, I felt so much pressure.


Last Wednesday I couldn't solve a single problem.. not my own nor anyone else's.  I simply gave up.  However, after hiding under the blankets for two hours, I felt worse. So I got up and gave up on giving up.


This morning I felt some of the same woes, only there was one small detail forcing my lazy ass out of bed and off to the shelter.  Earlier in the week, a family of one of my students had packed up all of their beautiful American Girl dolls and filled the trunk of my car. Today, little Ashley was getting an American Girl and I would get to witness.  I worked in the kitchen, spending the lunch shift cutting pork and chatting with our newest volunteer who was at the start of his 200 hours of court ordered community service in response to his DUI.  We had middle school volunteers from Our Lady of Mount Carmel, who cut bread as though they were channeling all of the anger they had acquired in their young lives, and I chatted with one of their moms about the joys of motherhood and teenagers.


I waited for the cafeteria to clear,  before setting down my knife and wiping my hands. I left the kitchen and sat in the chair next to Ashley, pulling a bag from behind my back.  I watched her eyes widen as she pulled her new doll in for a gleeful excited hug.  I selfishly soaked up all of her happy energy, storing it in my tired heart. In giving to her (thanks to my student!!!) I found renewal. 

“Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me... Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.”

― Shel Silverstein

Martine..  Ashley thanks you!!!